In2-MeC
newly discovered entries of In2-DeepFreeze First Generation Animations
New Santipur Farm, Poland
5 August 2003
There are things about me that I suppose will never change. For example, here's a passage from Erich Maria Remarque's All Quiet on the Western Front that could be a radio signal to the world around me from the innermost core of my mind.
I prefer to be alone, so that no one troubles me. For they all come back to the same thing, how badly it goes and how well it goes; one thinks it is this way, another that; and yet they are always absorbed in the things that go to make up their existence. Formerly I lived in just the same way myself, but now I feel no contact here.
They talk too much for me. They have worries, aims, desires, that I cannot comprehend. I often sit with one of them and try to explain to him that this is really the only thing: to sit quietly, like this. They understand, of course, they agree, they may even feel it so too, but only with words, only with words, yes, that is it--they feel it, but always only with half of themselves. the rest of their being is taken up with other things, they are so divided in themselves that none feels it with his whole essence; I cannot even say myself exactly what I mean.
In his purport to Srimad-Bhagavatam 4.24.21 Srila Prabhupada writes:
In the Caitanya-caritamrta (Madhya 19.149) it is stated: krsna-bhakta--niskama, ataeva santa. A devotee of Lord Krsna is always peaceful because he has no desire, whereas the yogis, karmis and jnanis have so many desires to fulfill. One may argue that the devotees have desires, for they wish to go home, back to Godhead, but such a desire does not agitate the mind. Although he wishes to go back to Godhead, a devotee is satisfied in any condition of life. Consequently, the word mahan-manah is used in this verse to indicate that the reservoir of water was as calm and quiet as the mind of a great devotee.
What Srila Prabhupada describes here seems to me to be so rarely seen, even among the association of ISKCON devotees. Many ISKCONians admit themselves to be restless. All right, restless for "good reasons." I have been intimately acquainted for nearly two decades with the movement's management circle. The minds of many of our managers are restless out of concern for ISKCON's protection and progress. That's yukta-vairagya, as I discussed yesterday. But as we see from the above purport, a great devotee's mind is supposed to be calm and quiet. We may not be great devotees, but shouldn't our minds gravitate to the peaceful contemplation of the sublime truth of Krsna consciousness? We may not be fixed in that state but at least it should be our aspiration; at least we should have some taste for it. Unfortuntately, as I have seen through the years, many in managerial positions believe such calmness of mind is a luxury that they cannot afford. "Too many problems."
Problems that dull the mind's comprehension of the finer points of Krsna conscious philosophy, thus turning one's preaching into repetition of stock phrases. Problems that crowd into the mind even during japa and the other indispensible features of one's personal sadhana. Problems that sap one of his energy for spiritual life, leaving him only with that energy's shadow, the rajo-guna. The shadow-energy keeps one engaged with the problems, but at the expense of engagement in pure devotional service. And from out of the mode of passion arises the justification of, "No matter--grappling with problems, that is my devotional service!"
Uh-huh. That is your devotional service. How many times I've heard that. And how many times I've seen where that philosophy ends: right out the door, back into the material world.
And thus too often I find myself experiencing in ISKCON what Remarque describes in the passage I cited above. Sometimes it's very depressing. Lately I see more clearly I need not be depressed. However, I don't think the sense that "Formerly I lived in just the same way myself, but now I feel no contact here" will go away at any time soon. I have my introverted kapha nature, which I don't expect will change as long as I have this body. And ISKCON has its nature. That's not going to change very soon either.
Therefore one should try to cultivate an inner satisfaction that does not depend upon external circumstances. That is exactly the point about the mind of a great devotee. It is always calm within itself, no matter what is going on around it. It's too bad that this state of mind seems to be incomprehensible to many in the Society. But so what? I'm not a collectivist. I'm one with ISKCON, but I'm different from it too. That is our philosophy, isn't it?
Plus, I should admit that my view of things is not altogether objective. The impressions a person gets of the world around him are not in a small way fashioned by his own way of seeing that world. This is "In2-MeC", a personal diary, not "E=MC2", a scientific notebook. Hopefully the things I write here have at least some value for some readers; but please don't fall into the error of thinking I'm presuming a God's-eye omniscience for all people everywhere. If something in these writings is useful for you personally, then give it mind. If not, let it pass.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I'm beginning to think, after having taken her little white pill one week ago, that Ekatarina the Czech medicine woman has heap strong power. Her treatment very definitely has a long-term effect. But for now, just take note of this remark. It is still way to early for me to elaborate. More time has to go by. I need to meditate more on the changes taking place within me.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Some email has come in regarding my writings over the last several days about fanatics of the "greater ISKCON/Gaudiya Vaisnava community" who make public, via the Interent, their mental disorders. The mail is all positive (relief!).
Wacky diatribes are the down side of religion on the Web. Extremist Christians depict the Catholic Church much like extremists in the "greater ISKCON/Gaudiya Vaisnava community" depict ISKCON and the GBC. See
www.jesus-is-lord.com/anti1.htm
and
www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/2594/
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Here in Poland, devotees get excited every few years about predictions of a coming world war, or the destruction of the world in some other way. The latest stir was about a "Planet X" that was going to collide with the Earth in the year 2002. Maybe in other parts of the ISKCON world devotees get similarly excited. Here's an ice-cold shower for your red-hot end-of-the-world prophecies:
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I'm throwing in this hyperlink simply because I know that there are devotees who will really go for this stuff (wow!):
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Here's
a few photos from the "Polish Woodstock" festival. On my last day in the meditation
tent I did a nama-yajna while my disciple Rocana dasa sang an excellent
Vrndavana-style kirtana while accompanying himself on harmonium. My
Godbrother HG Dina Bandhu Prabhu sat in to listen and watch. When we started,
the sky was bright and sunny. When the yajna was over, as you can see
in the photo with the Rath cart in the distance, the sky was cloudy and yes,
a little rain did come down...but fortunately not enough to spoil the festival!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Oh, and finally for those of you who surf the Net a lot, have you come across this?
www.pixelscapes.com/spatulacity/button.htm